Factoring the X-Factor: Nicole reenacting Sophie’s Choice

So surprisingly, Rachel Crow is out. HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN?

Simply — it was the perfect storm. Rachel screwed up, then the judges, then the audience, and just like the Levis during Katrina, Nicole crumbled.

To summarize: Marcus and Rachel were on the bottom and sang for the Save; Nicole could not decide and opted to go for the lock-down, where the one who had the actual lowest vote count was out. That was, apparently, Rachel — the teenager with an actual claim to the throne.

Let’s trace the debacle backwards:

The most visible screw up was Nicole’s, who is turning to a pathetic mother hen who cannot not love her offspring; so suddenly Paula is the stable one? Is Nicole reenacting Sophie’s Choice? Is this the Holocaust where the loser goes to the chambers? Not to discount the love for Marcus, but Rachel was obviously the one that should have moved on, the one with a real shot, the one whose name was clearly chanted by the audience. But Alas — Nicole was busy bathing in her emotional puddle.

Why was Rachel on the bottom if she is all that?

Because by now the home audience is busy saving rather than voting directly. While Rachel’s performance on Wednesday was fine if less than great, she was hailed by the judges as usual. So no save motions made, and no excitement for that less than stellar night for RC.

Why are the judges not pointing out lacking performances?

Oh — they do, but only politically. After the Chris Rene case where Simon noted the need for fan intervention followed by fans responding leading to the demise of Drew, the male judges are now busy making disparaging comments to Josh who is mentored by Nicole. So they hail the singers on their coalition and trash the lone survivor that is not. When Josh was announced as moving on despite the Simon and L.A poison, Cowell gave his usual smarmy smile that he has when his manipulations are being discovered. And don’t expect much from the female judges at this point — they are now officially mush.

So — who will be the final 2? Probably Melanie and Josh.

Melanie was the strongest on Wednesday. Her dance version of Adele’s Someone Like You was stellar — though not as original as Simon wants us to believe, as Adele herself has such a version that played just the other day in my supermarket. But it is such a strong, current song, and she was great. When You Believe was merely predictable, if safe enough to establish Melanie in the Diva category. She can win because her category is well established.

Josh killed in his version for Something, though L.A the snake made a point of knocking it down. His dance song was decently done, though his backup dancers just made him look static. I kept on thinking of Aretha Franklin who is able to combine soul with dance — he could have gone that way for a better song choice. Josh can win because is a strong singer with exciting interpretations — the most moving performances are his.

Chris Rene had a miracle as a whole. His dance choice was less than interesting — not only too slow for a “dance song”, but it was the same shtick he does every week. His second choice was indeed brilliant — his own song was so repetitively catchy that it felt familiar, it highlighted Chris’ lovely tone, and established him as a Maverick! I doubt he can bring this excitement again — but he may end up in the finals by sheer inertia.

Marcus is great, if not fully ready for prime time. When he “performs”, as in that dance number, his vocals are lacking, and his ballads, truly vulnerable and attractive, come of as less than “triumphant”. We’ll see how he does next week.

As to Rachel — dear Rachel — she will be OK. While her dance song was less than exciting, her Save performance, a repeat of I’d Rather Go Blind, was a reminder of how great she is. Her strength during the Save process and total despair when ousted were so attractive, especially considering Drew’s meltdown and Fundamental rant. Rachel is such a strong little thing!

Rachel Crow is probably the only one that does not need the title — her age and maturity insure a career. So as they say — perhaps it was all for the best; there are no coincidences.

Factoring the X Factor — goodbye one-note one-named!

It started with Michael Jackson interpretations, and ended with the demise of the one-named one-note performers Astro (sometimes spelled Asstro) and Drew (now spelled Blech!)

The big surprise — Drew was sent packing. And — while starting the evening as a fan of Drew, I ended it in the vomit zone.

It was interesting that both Astro and Drew had a decent showing on Wednesday; in fact, I kind of accepted the rap monster as a given. But the one-note-ness of both and the lack of visible danger resulted in fewer votes. Chris Rene, the last one-noter in the bunch, has been declared to be in the danger zone, and thus his Save.

So there it was — Drew and Marcus Canty dueling it out. Marcus was the obvious weakling. While Drew gave a sure performance, he practically gave a farewell one, starting with a de-facto Goodbye intro banter and giving us musically-flat if emotional performance. To me, it was a clear Drew win, But then the gals, Nicole and Paula, chose the dark horse.

Why? Why screw Drew?

For once, her admittedly strong performances were ALL ballads, a one trick pony through and through.

And then there was the opportunity the slide it in to Simon the A-hole (please, please read this as an anal sex reference)

And perhaps it was the sense of the upcoming meltdown. From the moment Drew found out she is in the danger zone, she started displaying signs of an unbalanced personality. So Drew’s sameness is not from sticking to talent, but a mental warning to us all. She chose to say goodbye with a fundamentalist rant. Get the fuck out, psycho!

So now we have Chris Rene, who should go next. Marcus is great but we already have Usher; Melanie is wonderful just like every other strong-voice chanteuse, but she needs a miracle a la Jennifer Hudson to have a career.

Which leaves us with Rachel Crow and Josh Krajcik: both wonderful, versatile, exquisite when balladeer-ing. Rachel doing I’d Rather go Blind was superb, especially considering her age.

But thing is: when Josh has an off night, he is just pale. When Rachel has a weak performance, usually in those happy silly songs, she screws up her pitch and creates a vacuum. Her version of Satisfaction was so horrendous that she and Simon should be sued. How can you turn this subversive icon into Walking in Sunshine?

So I vote for Josh to win; but can see how Rachel’s age will force her win.

 

 

 

Eurovision Song Contest — 2nd semi-final; who will win on Saturday?

The semi-finals are done — let’s cover the 2nd and look toward the final.

first, the casualties:

Lithuania with their East Europe Funk and The Netherlands bringing Sha la lie were both pathetic attempts at being cute — good riddance.  Switzerland with their golden showers (sorry…) would have had a real chance 30 years ago, and Sweden‘s This is my life was a lovely young girl singing a forced song (who writes “this is my life, my friend”  for a teenager?)

The three who did not pass who deserved better:  Croatia with Feminnem doing Lako je sve had a strong entry, better than many ballads that did pass, but I guess the image of these 3 ladies struggling to express themselves was less than appetizing; Bulgaria‘s Angel si ti is stronger than some accepted dance tunes, but as feared, something here did not click.  Slovenia with their mix of traditional and rock bands trying to mash up was universally regarding as sure failure beforehand — but there is something artisticall valid in this, plus I found myself humming their tune this morning; so there.

Making it to the final and should be happy for doing just that:

Ireland‘ It’s for you is not for me, and Ukraine‘s Sweet people is a case of a great singer with a pretentious song. Romania‘s Playing with fire is really a throwaway song, while Armenia‘s Apricot stone is highly regarded by some but is lacking real spark for me. Georgia‘s Shine is a good song but the singer labors so hard in makes me sweat; the entry from Turkey is a semi-successful rock song with awkward “robot” action in the background, while from Cyprus we have Life looks better in spring, a lovely song that is not likely to make a mark.

3 other songs from this night are real contenders — see below.

As far as the 5 songs that are going straight to the final: the UK, as it often does, sends us an embarrassing kitsch, and the creative team who did do well years ago apparently exhausted their talent back then. Spain is sending a mild entry, and Norway may be in the running with a beautiful if obvious song. I do like the French song — more of a sport anthem, an early Ricky Martin style, but predictions say the audience is not eager for such entries.

There are 4 songs that seem to be competing for the top honor:
- Denmark‘s In a moment like this first came off as a rejected ABBA song, dated and unsurprising; it grew a bit on me, but I still think it is the lazy choice for those who like their music pre-chewed.
- Germany with Sattelite is a strong teenage-girl song, attractive and seductive. I hope it does not win — I grew tired of it after several hearings while the 2 songs to be named now are still doing it for me.
- Israel with Millim is super emotional– it starts slow, but by song end I find it hard not to shiver; Harel Skaat is a superb singer, fragile yet strong, wonderfully attractive.
- Azerbaijan with Drip drop has been the early favorite from the start. Safura ia a confident performer and the song is a pastiche of hooks that could have made 5 separate hits. An interesting note is that in the first recap for the voters, the excerpt from this song was an awkward transitional moment within it,  corrected in the second recap where it focused on the “could I love you, forever” hook. Sabotage? who knows?

So will safura win despite over-exposure and a difficult first-song-of-the night placement? Will Germany play the ingenue, perhaps cashing in on young voters? Will Europe vote for the obvious songs from Danmark or Norway? Will Israel’s song-before-last placement gain from an emotional performance? Are Armenia and Turkey contenders at all as some predict?

We’ll be watching on Saturday.

Eurovision Song Contest — my take on the 1st semi-final

So the 10 songs to move on have been chosen — has Europe got it right? Mostly.

I divided the songs into rough genres:

Ethnic
This was the largest group here, befitting a country-based contest. It contained my 2 favorite songs of the night, both updating ethnic styles to pure now energy. Greece with Opa and Serbia with Ovo Je balkan were fun, fun, fun — one with extra testosterone, the other more ambiguous yet infectious. I hope these will make it to the top 10.
Also — Russia with Lost and forgotten, a beautiful nostalgic song, though the presentation a way too cheesy with that little picture and staged verbal exchange between the guys. Slovakia with Horehronie deserved to move on, but perhaps all these “magic creatures” presention took way from this lovely song. Also not making it were Finland with their 2 cute accordionists but way-too-old-fashioned song and Poland with Legenda that brought new meaning to over-singing and over-dancing, Poland tried so hard to convey “a story” with all these apple-biting and shirt-tearing that it set an example as to what not to do.

Dance
All 3 entries in this genre have moved on — Dance is usually a safe bet when there are many mediocre entries. Moldova with Run Away was the best of the bunch, if only for the instrumental hooks and funky outfits. They were the first song of the night, and the director was still getting warm, practically missing most of their antics — better luck in the final, guys. Iceland with Je ne sais quoi featured a chunky diva in a hummable if nothing-new song, while Albania has a straight-forward nothing-special It’ All About You. Expect these songs to cancel each other out.

Slow Songs and Ballads
Portugal made it through with a lovely tune that stood out having no real competition — something that will change in the final. Belarus with Butterflies were no faves of mine — a forced song with unnecessary butterfly wings to bring out the “message” — well,  good for them. Malta with My Dream was of little interest, again having wings popping behind the singer — a sure sign that they ran out of ideas.

Rock
Here Europe got it wrong. They accepted Bosnia & Herzegovina with the cutely sung but a lackluster tune, rejecting the superior entry from Macedonia, a Bon Jovi sounding tune with much variety and a better hook, Alas, the singer was not that handsome and the almost-naked dancers behind him were more pathetic girls-for-hire than a portrayal of his virility.

POP
Belgium with Me and my guitar was a safe choice, rewarding “artistry” but it is hardly a real threat in the final. Latvia with What for? (Only Mr. God knows why) is really one of those fine tunes that cutely raises existential questions and should not be mistaken for entertainment; and this was not.

Alternative - -
What a misfire! You CAN sell alternative if you have a coherent vision. Estonia with Malcolm Lincoln singing Siren did not do it — except for the quirky fainting of on performer at the end, they were mostly lacking an “alternative” or any other coherent vibe. It was a bit smug (“we are better because our song is not meant to be catchy”) but mostly just boring.

So — what would I have done? I would have chosen the rejected Macedonia and Slovakia over Bosnia & Herzegovina and Belarus, but that’s just me.

What’s next? The second semi-final presents some real contenders, such as Azerbaijan with Drip drop, Israel with Milim and Denmark with the catchy but tired In a moment like this . Also strong are Croatia with Feminnem singing Lako je sve and Georgia with the song Shine. Some that are strong but I am not a fan of are Sweden and Armenia. I do like the Bulgarian entry, but I suspect it will get no respect. Too bad.

American Idol: first, kick out the foreigners!

First public-vote elimination is an awkward affair: so many contestants, they are easily confused (The sensitive white skinny dude? The blond girl? Which black girl? And add to that the fact that the votes are spread so thin that campaigns such as “Vote for The Worst” can be a factor.

Ever since Paulina Porizkova was eliminated first on Dancing With The Stars, I noticed that discarding foreign objects is a easy outcome of a too-crowded field. So American Idol got rid of the Mexican and the Alien from another time.

Joe Munoz was eliminated perhaps by making a strategic mistake. While definitely not the lemon-iest of the contestants, he practically addressed his fans in Mexico (!!!) to vote for him. How stupid — this has to be done with such subtlety! Not only did he alienate Americans, but also suggested to fans to to put their vote elsewhere  since there is a whole country behind him! And anyway — are Mexico calling area allowed to vote at all?

The lovely Tyler Grady, the true loss this week, did not get out of his time-travel shtick by the first show. Quick to point out that the judges offered their advice too late, he also revealed that he is kind of slow, his brain still operating on 70′s clock. “He could have been a contender” (fans of old movies — say in in Marlon Brando’s voice! ) but alas, the country was not curious as I was.

Ashley Rodriguez, the Hispanic girl, was a fave on mine. While her choice of song and the execution pointed out what she needs to work on rather than her strength, there is something wonderfully likable about her. But competing with Michelle Delamor on the same niche, she came out with a losing hand. Via con Dios, lovely Senorita!

No tears for Janell Wheeler, though. While not a foreigner perse, she was most removed from anything interesting. Hers was the most boring performance of the week — the one performance I agree with America on a billion-gazillion percent, to quote the dawg.

Which brings us to the last rejected foreigner of the week — Simon. How soon does he forget that his A-hole persona is the reason weak contestants stay in the competition? Mr. Cowell victims are automatically getting the sympathy vote that in this stage has much leverage. His pompousness, a combination of true analysis with his hidden agendas and specific taste, is a spoiler rather than an aid.

A word about Simon’s shtick — he straight-faced called Lee Dewyze’s performance “the best”. What? The guy has a nice thing going, but he could not finish singing a sentence properly, dropping the ball on every long note. Again — Simon’s agenda, his need to later sign viable commercial artists, make his stomach acids respond like Pavlov dogs, practically bypassing any logical judgment.

Well — we still love you, a-hole!

Last note: VFTW has chosen Haeley Vaughn as The Worst this week; I chose her as A Fave. While she is hardly the best singer, there is something in her attitude that is VERY winning. If she survives the preliminary turmoils, she can be a contender (again — Marlon Brando!)

Cheers!

Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew — No Happy Endings!

So the brave participants stood there in their graduation ceremony, bravely decribing their fellow addicts as brave. At times, because they had nothing more to say aside from the ALWAYS meaningful “you are an amazing person”.

But enough sarcasm. Let’s look back — this was mostly a limp experience.

The good part: the addicts got 3 weeks where a frame was provided to stop their unhealthy sexual behavior and ponder. There was healthy peer pressure, a good use of their need for approval from the famous doctor, and their self  admitted sense of need for alteration. Surely the good doctor will utilize the time to provide useful tools.

Some interesting discoveries: Amber Smith and Duncan Roy with their deep daddy issues; Kari Ann Penich with her inability to digest the horrible things that happened to her.

But aside from these, it was mostly a group of people doing little and pretending it was life changing. Yep — they did the usual anger exercises; they cried  in a truly cathartic way. But at the end, they did not really graduate. They were all directed towards another “life changing” program where they would avoid sex for half a year.

Huh???

Even Kendra, who actually had a mate, was pressured to go there. Hello? She should work on her relationship, genius! But Dr. Drew is starting to resemble the right-wing proponents of abstinence. Does that ever work?

All in all, this was not very good program; either to the patients or the viewers. TV wise, the focus was mostly on the shenanigans of Kari Ann which was just a distraction from the real process. Therapy wise, it came out as a promo to the next program. Is there no rule against bait and switch?

Worst of all –  the process in which Dr. Drew manipulated public pressure to get the participants to join the next program. It came off as unethical. Just 2 survivors had the balls to tell him to F himself; the rest came off as too exhausted, choosing the route of least resistance, managing a fake smile of compliance.

So in the end, they were preyed upon by the wizard of Oz, who provided no coherent structure for real-life healing. Apparently Mr. Pinsky has no good plan aside from “just say no to your wants” and “just keep on listening to me”.

This is the making of a cult; not productive therapy.

Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew has yet to Get It Up

We already spent 2 hours with the cast of Sex Rehab, and so far, it is just mild foreplay.

The cast is made of 5 sluts, 2 fuck-anything bad boys and one gay masturbator. Since the beginning of the show, they have been eating a lot, crying while Dr. Drew shakes his head with over-sincere sympathy,  and all in all, encouraged to reveal childhood molestation or otherwise ponder why they do not remember any.

A few standout so far:

Kari Ann Penich is the designated Pain in the Ass. For those of us that are not familiar with her (all of us?), a quick search will reveal a video where she hangs nude with a douchebag  from Gray’s Anatomy and his wife. She helps fill a whole episode with spoiled-brat tantrums, practically delaying anything interesting from hapenning.

Duncan Roy is a British  indie film director (“AKA “– a pretty interesting piece) who, while technically a bisexual, spent some time in prison where he developed a taste for straight men. Nowadays, he has a long-term relationship with his computer, surfing porn sites for days with the occasional glimpse into The Huffington Post. He seems the most interesting story here, if only because all other dysfunctions in the house have been covered by other VH1. shows

Jennifer Ketchum (aka Penny Flame) is a sex-industry business woman, and the one female cast members I truly root for. Unlike the other females here, she was the one doing the “molestation”, deflowering dozens of horny boys which in this show is also a reason for weeping. You go Jenny!

The boys in this band, James “Jamie” Lovett (Surfer) and Phil Varone (Drummer), are left to ponder why Dr. Drew thinks that their hyperactive dicks are reacting to some awful childhood experience rather than nature and sheer opportunity. They look mighty frustrated at this under-appreciation; is that the reward they get from not banging anyone for 2 days?

The rest of the cast is made of 2 cougars, Kendra Jade Rossi and Amber Smith, and one lovely black lady, Nicole Narain , whose only sin seems to have been the girl in THAT Coleen Farrell video. Why is sleeping with Farrell a cause for therapy? It is a cause for envy!

So far — mild and tear-ridden foreplay; will Dr. Drew manage to get it up? Will all our patience with these weepers pay off and we get to score? I will stay tuned –  there is always the hope that a slow start will build into the orgasm of a lifetime.

 

 

 

 

 

James “Jamie” Lovett – Surfer / Wakeboarder

James Lovett is one of the world’s top rated surfers and wakeboarders. Lovett, who started surfing before the age of 10, was perfecting aerials at the age of ten. At 14 years old Lovett turned professional and has since dominated the sport winning countless competitions and medals. In 2004, at the age of 17 years old, Lovett climbed his way to the top of the wake surfing when he won the Centurion World Wake Surfing Championships.

Nicole Narain – Model / Playboy Playmate

Soon after becoming Playboy’s Miss January 2002, she appeared in music videos from the likes of Diddy, Mario Wayans and Jermaine Dupri. She’s also appeared on Entourage, Mad TV and American Heiress. She reached a new level of exposure when a sex tape featuring her with Colin Farrel leaked. “That pretty much ruined my life,” she says. Lately, she has been focusing on writing. “I’m ready to purge,” she reports.

Kari Ann Peniche – Beauty queen / Model / Fashion designer

Kari Ann was Miss Oregon Teen USA 2002, competed at Miss Teen USA 2002, won Miss Oregon United States 2003 then went on to win Miss United States Teen 2003. In Nov 2004 she appeared in Playboy. Along with various movie roles, Kari was briefly engaged to Aaron Carter. Her upcoming book, Stripped, Strung Out, and Beautifully Abused, focuses on sexual abuse, domestic violence, power, control, relationships and goals. Her clothing line is Strung Out Girl.

Kendra Jade Rossi – Ex-porn star / Music manager

During her years in the porn industry, Kendra became a well known adult film star. However, she also became tabloid fodder. (Star magazine and Us Weekly accused her of breaking up Kevin Federline and Britney Spears marriage after a trip to Vegas, for example.) She finally left the adult film industry in 2001 on the verge of a complete breakdown. She fell headlong into alcoholism and was also diagnosed as an agoraphobic with severe anxiety and panic disorders, which introduced the world of prescription drug abuse.

In 2007, Kendra was introduced to Lukas Rossi, winner of Rockstar Supernova, by mutual friends, Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee – and the two immediately clicked. They married 4 months after meeting. Kendra will tell anyone who will listen that Lukas saved her life. It was his love and devotion to her that spurred her to face her personal demons and reach out for help and sobriety.

Duncan Roy – Producer / Writer / Director

Duncan directed the acclaimed 2002 film AKA. He has worked as a journalist, and teaches low-budget filmmaking at UCLA extension. See his Wikipedia page for more info.

Amber Smith – Supermodel/Reality TV star/Actress

An internationally recognized supermodel and actress for 20 years, Amber Smith, also acted in films such as L.A. Confidential, American Beauty and The Mirror Has Two Faces. She appeared on the second season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, where she went public with her 16-year addiction to opiate painkillers. On the show, Amber underwent a painful withdrawal from drugs. She also appeared on the Rehab spin-off Sober House.

Phil Varone – Musician

Phil Varone is an accomplished drummer, music producer and songwriter best known for his work with the bands Saigon Kick and Skid Row. In 2004, Phil left Skid Row and the music business to pursue acting and stand up comedy. After moving to Los Angeles, he spent the first two years producing the feature length documentary, Waking Up Dead. Phil also lectures in colleges throughout the United States and is the creator and host of the Sex Stand Up and Rock and Roll Show.

Related content
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew show page
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew videos and extras

Tags: Celebreality, Television, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

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I Am Dancing With The Stars

All right — Dancing With The Stars (Season 9) has started; we saw them all in action. Now — let’s discuss:

First — the male group seems more varied; some standouts, some clunkers. I have a feeling the males will dominate this season.

(score in parenthesis):

Males:

My faves:

Aaron carter (score = 32) is a natural — expect him to go far
Louie Vito (27) is a sweetheart — he has hugh amount of charm; and while awkward at times, he moves magnificently at others. Reminds me of Apolo Anton Ohno — he can go pretty far

Most underrated:

Michael Irvin (19) — what a babe! He dances like the world should just come and fuck him! Give him a pole already! Alas, he dances with himself, and if not adjusted, he may end up playing with himself too.

I do not care:

Donny Osmond (30)
Mark Dacascos (29)
– they move well, but la-di-da

Best curio:

Chuck Liddell (22) – moves like an ox; charming — he dances very masculine-ly, meaning like a white boy, which makes it interesting to watch. I hope to see him again — he may go the Ty Murray (the rodeo guy) partial transformation route, though I do not expect longevity.

Can’t wait to NOT see them:

Tom DeLay (20) — more butt-shakes like these and the country will stop procreating. However, with so much pandering to the audience (well, he is a politician) and a right wing base, expect a medium-length stay.
Ashley Hamilton (19) — he is the worst of the bunch. He looks the part, but he is SO BORING — it is a crime against nature to allow him anything but print modeling. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Females:

My faves:

Mya (31) moves beautifully – a natural; I love watching her

Natalie Coughlin (27), a wee athletic at times, but not as gracelessly as last season’s winner

Overrated:

Kelly Osbourne (31) – her waltz was pretty good, but the hype has something to do with the ingenue effect (a rocker-Cinderella story), plus the parents in the room. But she does have potential

Most overrated:

Joanna Krupa (34) – I know she moves well, but I find her lacking charm; she is a model, a bit lifeless for my taste.

Best curio:

Macy Gray (19) – she moves like a man, but so much is genuine about her; it was funny to see her waltzing — but she is fascinating; looking for more
What’s left:
None of these is a real clunkcer; but someone hasd to be dismissed

Debi Mazar (22) — Debbie is a fave from years gone by; alas — a mediocre dancer
Melissa Joan Hart (24) — plain vanilla
Kathy Ireland (20) — glamorous but not particularly graceful; possibly the first to go

That’s that. We’ll see tonight how it goes.

Better a Jackass Than a Bore

So Kanye West shot up his mouth again at the VMA Awards, the lovely Taylor Swift’s speech got sidetracked, and we are all shocked at this transgression. What an A-Hole!!!

So Kanye West is now on an apology tour — and well — he should be. But are we not better off for what he did?

First — us. We got a totally memorable moment, something to talk about. Not that the event was lacking: it is actually one of the more interesting VMA awards in a while, with the MJ tribute and Lady Gaga’s shenanigans. But there can always be more kaos. So all in all — we are better off.

As for Taylor and Beyonce — what winners! Taylor had a chance to accepts, again, at a prime spot and get so much sympathy. And Beyonce, instead of having to give another thank-you-God speech, got to be the generous queen, gaining much respect. Hello — they are both better off.

Now it is up for Mr. West to maneuver himself into Mr. Redemption, a well-proven American tradition for wayward celebrities.   He may just be a winner himself: according to Jewish tradition, those who redeem themselves are regarded way more than those who were always righteous.

So let’s just recap what happened at the VMAs:

1. Kanye is backstage, getting drunk.

2. MTV is announcing that Ms. Swift has won the best female video. This is a a political move — Beyonce’s work is so far superior, but she will eventually win the bigger prize, so the network scores points by adopting a teen favorite that is believed to eventually be a major mature artist.

3. Kanye, along with anyone who has some sense of artistic achievement,  is wondering WTF.

4. Kanye is being Kanye, jumping onstage and shoots uing his mouth: he is rude and an impatient jackass, but he is expressing a feeling that is out there. Is MTV screwing with us?

5. Swift is flabbergasted; Kanye had thought she will continue her speech, but she is unsure so the show moves on.

6. All hell breaks loose.

Kanye was being Kanye; while he got notoriety here for molesting the virginal princess, we all got some genuine KW moment and everyone will possibly be better off.  He was rude, but not that off the mark — he, was, in fact, protesting the political nature of that award show. We loved him when he shot his mouth in the past, and I choose to love him still. Better a truth-telling jackass than a compliant bore.

Now Its Up to Kara to Do The Krazy!

Yep — so it is Ellen who is taking the seat next to the big bad wolf, Simon Cowell. Forget fighting, forget incoherent rambling, and especially, forget these flashy, boob-enhancing, bailout worthy outfits that justified Paula’s need for a raise. Yea, these were SOMETHING — a true testament to the money this show is making. Paula was GLAM, while Simon could only be expected to show up with a nipple-friendly T’s.

We simply cannot count on Ellen to be the glamorous — she is not Portia! It is all up to Kara now.

Dear Kara!

We saw how you like showing your body at last year’s finale; can we encourage you to GO THERE often? The fate of the nation is in your hands — now that you do not need to play second fiddle to your older sista, there is no point of competing for the role of the butch one; can you be our makeover queen? The one who wows us with her over-the-top femininty?

And enough of those somber comments about “artistry” — we need you to loosen up! May I remind you that teachers make zilch in this country, while high-end tarts get nicely compensated?  So stop being so sober! Jump on that vacated position of she who makes headlines, and let us just love you.